Stuff I write

Where am I now?

If I’m honest, I will say I’m not okay… My room is a mess and so is my mind. My cupboard is stuffed with unfolded clothes and so are my issues in my mind and heart – just chucked it.

Hajj was great. It was a journey to fulfill my 5 pillars and gain more taqwa of Allah. But it’s not a journey that’s meant to fix your problems, you’re away for a long time and in spiritual mode which is great but then at some point you get out of it and take a flight back to reality.

I ask for answers all the time. Since it happened. And I’m different now, more grown but still pretty much the same. I guess I know the answer but I’m just too… afraid?

Yes, I admit. I am afraid.

Of so many freaking things. They are so abstract it’s hard to identify exactly. I wonder if I’ll ever figure out how to make myself unafraid of it. I know what it is but…. oh dear trustworthy and practicing muslim with alot of knowledge psychologist where are you when I need you?

I think I’m crazy and need a shrink. I need a shrink. There I’m saying it. I need a psychologist to assess my mental health.

That might solve all this… shi…. drama.



My heart and mind is so tired of me. I think I will die soon.

Pray for my soul. I didn’t treat it right.





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